This happened very recently.
This year, we had so much rain that I barely felt like it was summer. Then, around the beginning of September…
There were very few sunny days. Even when the sun came out, it often started raining in the evening. The weather had been gray and gloomy for quite some time.
One day, my son and I were relaxing together in the living room.
At that time, my youngest son was four years old. He could speak much better than before, and his vocabulary was growing little by little.
Around that time, there were many news reports about typhoons and floods.
There were disasters happening in many parts of the world, and seeing those images on TV made me feel very sad.
Then, one day, he suddenly started talking about it again.
Son: Mom! You remember the story about falling from a bus, right?
Me: Yes, I remember.
If you have read “Memories of Heaven Vol.1,” you may remember this story.
He had told me before that he once had a different mother and a different older brother. When an earthquake happened, they were on a bus. Then water came, and the bus fell off a cliff.
Son: Mom! Did this happen because of an earthquake?
(He was watching the news about the flooding on TV.)
Me: No. This happened because there was too much rain, and the water overflowed.
Son: Then cars and buses could fall, too.
I wondered if he was talking about something he had actually experienced before…
Me: That’s right. We have to be careful when it rains a lot, too.
Son: Mom, don’t you remember? You were on a bus, and you fell off a cliff and died.
What?
My mind went completely blank.
What did he just say?
“Mom, don’t you remember?”
Me: Wait a minute! Before, didn’t you say you had a different mom and a different older brother?
Son: That’s what I mean. It was when Mom was a different mom!
Me: What? You mean Mom was a different mom in a past life?
Son: Yes!
Me: And Haruto was your child? I mean, your brother?
Son: He wasn’t my older brother! I was the older sister. Haruto was my little brother!
Me: Wait… wait! Mom can’t keep up!
I was covered in goosebumps and couldn’t stop shaking.
Son: Mom, do you really remember nothing?
Me: I’m sorry. I really don’t remember anything.
I never imagined that the story my son first told me when he was three years old would turn into something like this.
Maybe he simply didn’t know the word “younger brother” when he was three because his vocabulary was still limited.
This completely changed everything.
The reason I was so confused was because, ever since he first told me that story, I had wondered if he might have been a victim of the Great East Japan Earthquake.
I had even searched through lists of victims, looking for a little girl, a child named Haruto, and a mother.
I thought that if I could find even the smallest clue, maybe I could somehow help the families of these people who might have really existed.
But now, everything I had thought was suddenly turned upside down.
If what he was saying was true, then so many parts of the story were different.
Me: Can you tell me the story one more time? Where were you at that time?
Son: I was in heaven. I was washed away by the water before you and the others.
Me: I see… So that’s what happened. That must have been scary.
Son: Yes! It was scary! And then, after I went to heaven first, you and the others came later!
Me: I see…
Son: Mom, do you really not remember?
Me: I’m sorry, but I really don’t remember…
My mind was completely confused by what I had just heard.
If his story is true, maybe it happened during an earthquake many decades ago.
Maybe it wasn’t even in Japan.
Then he said something that stayed with me.
Son: But you don’t have to be scared when you go to heaven. Everyone is together there.
Whenever I hear my son’s stories about heaven, I always wonder:
Could this really be true?
The reason I question it is simple.
I don’t remember any of it myself.
But I want to believe his words.
Because for someone like me, who has always been afraid of death,
his words are like a light.
これは本当にごく最近の話。
今年は雨ばかりが続いていてあまり夏を感じる間もなく、9月に入った頃…。
晴れる日が本当に少なく、お日様が顔を出しても夕方から雨というような、どんよりとしていた日々が続いていたある日、リビングで2人でくつろいでいた時のこと。
この頃の三男は4歳だが、言葉も以前に比べるとだいぶ話せるようになってきていた。
-その頃、TVのニュースでは台風や水害の被害についてかなり流れていたと思います。
世界中の至る所で被害があり、心が痛くなっていた、そんなある日、彼はまた思い出したかのように話し始めたのです。
息子: ママ！前にバスで落ちた話したでしょ？
私：うん、覚えてるよ。
“Memories of heaven Vol.1” を読んで下さった方ならお分かりだと思うのですが、ここでは彼は、前に違うママと違うお兄ちゃんがいて地震が来た時にそのママとお兄ちゃんがバスに乗っていたが、お水がきて崖から落ちてしまった話をしてくれたのです。
息子：ママー！これは地震でこうなったの？（TVをみながら洪水の被害について聞いてきました。）
私: 違うよ。これは雨が降りすぎて、溢れちゃってるんだよ。
息子: じゃあ車とかバスとか落ちちゃうね。
これは前に彼が経験したことをいってるんだろうか…?
私: そうだね、雨が沢山降っている時も気をつけないといけないね。
息子: ママはバスに乗ってて崖から落ちて死んじゃったの覚えてないの？
え？頭が混乱してる…
今この子は何て言った？
ママは覚えてない？
私: ちょっと待って！前に話してくれた時は、違うママと違うお兄ちゃんがいたって言ってなかった?
息子: だから、ママが違うママだった時だよー！
私: え？え？違うママって、ママが前の人生で違うママだったってこと？
息子: そう！
私: それでハルトってお兄ちゃんもママの子供？
息子: お兄ちゃんじゃない！僕がお姉ちゃんだったの。ハルトくんは弟！
私: ちょっと待って！ママ、今ついていけてない。
この時鳥肌が立ちすぎて身震いがしていた。
息子：ママは本当に何も覚えてないの？
私: ごめんね。ママ、本当に何も覚えてないの。
3歳で初めて話してくれたお空の話が、まさかこんな展開にんるなんて思ってもいませんでした。恐らく3歳の時にはあまり語彙力がなく、弟という言葉を知らなかったのでしょう。まさかの展開にものすごく混乱しました。
なぜなら、私はその話以来、もしかしたら息子は東日本大震災の被害者かもしれないと、小さな女の子とハルトという子とお母さんが被災者名簿にあるか探していたからです。もしかしたら、私は何か少しでも手掛かりが見つかれば、この実在したかもしれない人々のご家族を救えるかもしれないと思ったからです。
それが、まさかこんな形で覆されるとは…。
それだと色々な話が違ってくる。
私: もう一回その話詳しく聞いても良い？あなたはその時どこにいたの？
息子: 空だよ。ママたちより先にお水に流されちゃったの。
私: そっか。そうだったんだね。それは怖かったね。
息子: うん！怖かった！それで僕が先にお空に行ってからママたちも後から来たんだよ！
私: そうだったんだ…。
息子: ママ、本当に覚えてないの？
私: 残念だけど、本当に覚えてない…。
まさかの展開に頭の中が混乱状態になりました。
もし息子の話が本当なら、もしかしたら何十年も前の震災の出来事なのかもしれない。もしかしたら日本じゃないかもしれない。
息子: でもね、お空に行く時はもう怖くないよ。皆一緒だから。
いつも私が三男のお空の話を聞いた後、これって本当なのかな？と疑問に思う。
なぜなら本当に自分にはその記憶がないから。
でも、彼の言葉を信じたい。
死が怖いものである私にとっては、光だから…
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